Couples Counselling / Marriage Counselling

Struggling in your relationship makes everything else in life more difficult.  Couples often find themselves stuck in a cycle: Blame, contempt, shutting down, anger, criticism and defensiveness are often the result of past incidents, lack of communication skills and attachment fears such as “Am I good enough?”, “Are they good enough?”, “Do they really care?”

Seeking couples counselling when you notice any of these issues is wise and can be all your relationship needs.  Our skilled couples therapists (see below) can help you move towards a new cycle of love and connection, one with more intimacy and warmth.

How do we help?  We work on communication skills, but we also explore the deeper vulnerabilities that may have led to a cycle of disconnection in your relationship.  This is vital, because communication skills alone are often not enough to establish or maintain a healthy relationship.  Our therapists integrate Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and the Gottman model of couples therapy, as well as other models, to work towards your relationship goals.

Our approach to couples counselling

If you go to the doctor often enough, even for routine tests and “well” check-ups, pretty soon you start to feel something’s wrong with you, or could go wrong at any moment.  That’s unnecessarily nerve-racking.  Feeling that you’re full of problems doesn’t help you fix the problem.

Couples counselling shouldn’t be nerve-racking.  Seeking some relationship feedback doesn’t mean anything is broken, and it doesn’t mean everything is perfect, either.  All it means is one or both of you would like a third opinion, or have some questions, or have some ideas you would like to float out in a calm environment.  You may want to talk with your counsellor all the time, or every now and then, or on a “play it by ear” basis.

Whatever version of couples counselling you find most useful, Spacious Mind Counselling is here to provide it.  You may be married or dating or in “it’s complicated” territory.  You may have been a couple for a month or for 35 years.  One of you may want to be here, or both of you want to be here, or neither of you really wants counselling at all (but you feel you need to try it).  Welcome.

We don’t assume anything about your relationship, so we’re here to listen and understand, first and foremost.  If you want us just to listen while you and your S/O sort things out organically and real-time, we’re glad to do it.  Or if you want more advice, more figurative “medicine,” we can do that, too.  We’ll follow your lead.

That’s what you can expect of us.  A few things you should not expect us to do:

• We won’t play favorites.  “Who’s right” often doesn’t tell us what’s best.  We understand the urge to keep score, but we’ll focus our efforts on (a) what topics to discuss and (b) what to do.
• We won’t impose harmony-related norms on you.  We understand the role of tension in a relationship, and so we don’t assume your goal is no conflict.  Though we hope any disagreements are calm and constructive, we recognize that you may have a unique system for working things out (intentional or not).  Some climates are mostly sunny, but others follow a cycle of clouds, rain, sunshine.  Strange as it may sound, we’re here to help you achieve what you consider the right kind and right amount of conflict in your relationship.
• We won’t guilt you for coming in for counselling when you did.  Often one half of the relationship is more interested in counselling, and the other feels dragged along, at least at first.  There’s no wrong time to get an extra set of hands.